stretchin’ my legs….

…wondering if maybe this will be the journal that sticks.

or even if one of them should, in the first place.

i find myself eliminating personal pieces of history, pieces of personal history, lately. i mean, the diary-x implosion helped that out (i feel so bad for stephen), but when i get wrapped up in emotions (read: every fucking important or unimportant moment ever), i find that it often involves a cathatic letting go at some point. deleting iTunes playlists from times that don’t need commemorating, or that mar a time and a place so strongly that i can’t keep them. deleting emails…i dunno. it so weird how the digital trail can get now.

i got emails from two people today about my d-x dying (other than the ones that were ongoing from those who were much closer to me). one was from a girl that, well, was involved with part of the crappiness of at least one of the time periods i’m erasing.

the other was from a guy who, well. has had some months he probably would like to resolved and foret, himself. we got to talking about the idea that nicole and i discussed a long time ago, a combination of advice about my clutter and my obsession with my own memory.

she said that you can’t get new ideas without getting rid of the old. and that maybe memories that i lost needed to be lost. maybe i don’t need reminders of breakups and heartaches or even of how fucked up i used to be, those kinds of things that having my old journal online could give me.
you know, a lot of the detritus of daily life that i hang on to has always been because then i remember it. maybe i will forget x concert so i keep the shirt i bought there. keep those photos, don’t get rid of those books i might want to use for teaching again some day.

at some point i realized that things with bad memories attached to them should not be kept.

that works for me physically and when it does i know it means i have let go.

but emotionally i am not sure that i have understood it yet.

i kind of like that i have an entire bookshelf dedicated to books or zines that are borrowed (mostly library ones, some from erin, some from the zine library).
hmm. journalling seems to be a skill that i’m a bit rusty with now. weird.

p.s. hey smer, i finally put your tegan & sarah tracks on my computer.  it is making me flash back to working on my class in your apartment CRAZY STYLE.

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